Sex and relationships

For many people psoriasis can feel like a barrier to intimacy and closeness. You may not like your partner to see you naked or touch your skin. Your self-confidence and body-image might be affecting your sex drive and negatively impact upon your sex life. Perhaps you are worried that your partner feels embarrassed about your psoriasis or maybe you find it hard to truly accept that your partner sees beyond the condition and loves you in spite of it.

Naturally, all these fears are heightened and much more challenging to overcome if you are in a new relationship or seeking a partner. When is the right time to bring the subject up and how will the other person react? Again, your local healthcare professional is on hand to provide support and counsel if you need to speak to someone on a more personal level. Having anxieties such as these are completely natural but your skin doesn’t have to get in the way of a new partner seeing the ‘real’ you.

Here are some tips on overcoming embarrassment about psoriasis:

1. Take control of your relationships - The most positive step you can make is to be the one to raise the topic, whether your psoriasis is visible or not. By taking charge you can discuss your condition in the way you feel most comfortable to do so.
2. Face up to relationship reality - A first date will always be about whether someone’s looks and general personality are acceptable enough to want to get to know them better. If your psoriasis is visible, be direct about it straight away to diffuse the other person’s anxiety. Show that you are comfortable with it and can talk about it at ease as this will encourage the other person to view it in a much less important light.
3. Be honest and straightforward as early as possible - If your new partner is not aware of your psoriasis yet, take the lead in talking to them about it before you get into a physically intimate situation.
4. Accept their first reaction but don’t underestimate them - Some people might need time to get used to your psoriasis. Don't be ashamed about it, give them clear information and encourage them to ask questions. Let them know you understand their reaction if they feel squeamish about it. Remind them that psoriasis is not contagious and that you are doing everything you can to deal with it. Bringing this up in conversation may seem like the most terrifying thing you’ve done but in the long run it can help you become closer to your new partner. Don’t underestimate the person you’ve chosen to confide in: they may be very supportive and accept your condition from the outset.
5. Help them express their feelings - Some people might feel tongue-tied by not wanting to say the wrong thing about your psoriasis. Don’t confuse this silence with a lack of interest in you; it can help to reduce their anxiety by voicing their possible concerns out loud. Consider sharing with them any feelings you have about the appearance of psoriasis that they may be thinking; tell them if you are having a particularly bad flare-up and how it is normally; explain how you treat it and how it generally makes you feel. Most new partners will appreciate your openness and confidence.
6. Self-confidence controls body image - Retaining a positive body image can be particularly difficult because you don’t know where your psoriasis might appear, especially if it develops in highly visible areas such as the face, scalp, neck, hands and forearms. There’s no doubt however, that when people have a positive attitude it is projected across a room as radiantly as their appearance.
7. If they’re worth it - Honesty and openness are central parts of all personal relationships and if a new partner is interested in becoming part of your life, they will also be interested in learning how to support you with your psoriasis. Just as you want to learn how to make life special for them, trust them in wanting the same for you. By being open and honest, you are communicating to them that you would like them around in the future.